Calling “Bikini Car Wash Company” the Citizen Cane of early 90’s T&A VHS comedies may sound like hyperbole to some but I’m being totally serious. There were a lot of these types of films that came out when I was in my teens and early 20’s and, odds are, I watched every one of them. The memories of these films have since been relinquished to the most vacant recesses of my subconscious mind. However, for some reason “Bikini Car Wash Company” continues to be one that I sporadically think about and reference… in the company of other like-minded perverts, naturally. It’s premise is one that has been used in numerous other films; girls get naked or don their bikinis and save the (fill in the blank.) In this circumstance, it’s Jack’s uncle’s car wash. His uncle has been having a tough time keeping the car wash afloat and now he has to leave town for some kind of medical procedure because he has these severe allergies. (Spoiler Alert: turns out he’s allergic to underwear.) His naive nephew, Jack, comes to run the business while he’s gone. Jack meets a curvy co-ed at the beach, who just happens to be a business major, and hatches a brilliant business plan. That’s when the bikinis come out and the fun begins.
This film is SO of this era. I remember reading a review where someone described it as playing out like a 90-minute long Warrant video. The hair is big and the hair metal is even bigger. There is a non-stop barrage of slick sounding, old school metal by New Haven and Shake City. Uh… who? I don’t know if these bands have done anything outside of this movie soundtrack but they were the perfect choice for this type of flick. Heck, even without the abundant nudity this isn’t a half bad little party romp. I vividly remember seeing this on USA UP ALL NIGHT many weekends, minus the nudity and language of course, and I still would end up watching it through to the very end just to see that stuffy assistant district attorney get put in his place, Try and close down the car wash, will he? Well, we’ll just see about THAT!
Let’s talk about what it is that makes this the perfect example of this type of movie. First off, the time period. Early 90’s neon-colored bikinis, lots of hairspray, lots of silicone, and four of the most shapely actresses of the decade. Kristi Ducati (who plays Melissa) was in LOTS of stuff right around this time period. Meatballs 4 and Married with Children just to name a few. Then there’s Sarah Suzanne Brown, who plays Sunny. She was in another of my favorite 90’s romps, Virgin Hunters aka Test Tube Teens from the Year 2000. We also have Playboy Playmate, Neriah Davis, who has the dubious distinction of having to play the “dumb” one, and actress Rikki Brando. Together, these girls are like the “brat pack” of T&A softcore comedy. Just see “Bikini Car Wash Company TWO” for further evidence of that.
Next up, we have no shortage of thongs. Thongs, thongs, thongs. Sisqo would’ve loved all the booty on display in this cinematic treasure. We also have the classic “us-against-the-establishment” formula going on, once the stuffy lawyer shows up. Don’t worry, there’s a BUSTY lawyer who is there to help save the car wash. We also have vacuums that suck clothing off of the ladies, lots of frolicking with hoses, water fights, bikini-clad workouts, cult-film-director Jim Wynorski as Ralph, boobs against windows, bubbles, soap suds and so much more. Most of this takes place during musical montages mind you. I believe there are no less than eight musical montages throughout the entire movie. That’s what gives the movie that MTV-music-video vibe you rarely see in this day and age. Doesn’t really leave much room for the storyline, of course, but guess what? The story still manages to resolve itself with about ten minutes of running time left, so the director pads out the film with the girls doing an impromptu topless photo shoot. Sheer brilliance, right?
If you’ve never seen “Bikini Car Wash Company” before, find yourself an unrated copy of this jewel from the 90’s and enjoy. Here’s a fun game for you to play while you’re watching. See how many scrunchies you can spot before it ends. Have fun! -Scotch
